write like you're running out of time

It's been nine months since my grandfather went into the nursing home, and I think I'm finally starting to come to terms with the fact that he's going to be staying there permanently. I'm pretty much just taking it one day at a time and trying to visit him as often as I can, partially because he's still with it enough that he called me out on it.

But now more shit's rolling downhill towards my family.

My grandmother (Dad's mom) has been having problems with confusion lately, and we thought she was having mini-strokes or something. She ended up going to the emergency room last week and was diagnosed with a UTI; apparently those can cause confusion in elderly patients. CAT scan showed no evidence of a stroke of any kind, she was sent home with antibiotics, everything's fine.

Yeah, not so much. Early Sunday morning Grandma thought she had a stroke or something and ended up falling in her bedroom and hitting her head on her bedroom door, hard enough that the doorknob went through the adjacent wall. For some reason I'm not clear on she waited a few hours to call one of my aunts who thankfully summoned the ambulance and Grandma was taken to the hospital. Again they did a CAT scan and again there was no evidence of a stroke, but they did find an epidural hematoma, probably from when she hit her head on the door. By Sunday night it had gotten bad enough that she was having trouble swallowing, and it's just gotten worse from there. An MRI was done today and according to that she did suffer a stroke at the base of her brain. From what Dad's told me and what I've heard him tell Mom Grandma's still confused, her speech is really slurred, she's black and blue and the doctor's not very optimistic that she's going to get much better. In fact, tonight when I came home from work and I asked how Grandma was doing Dad said she wasn't doing too well. And Mom mentioned something about how most of the family would probably prefer having our pastor handle the funeral instead of the pastor of the church one of my other aunts goes to. So to me it goes without saying what her chances are at this point.

And this whole time all I can think is that I can't go through this again, not with another grandma. Seven years ago in the fall we were playing a similar waiting game, with my grandma on my mom's side. Grandma is a healthy, active, vibrant woman; she's painted and sketched all of her life, and the last time I was at her house she had a painting she was working on. It wasn't supposed to happen like this, damnit!

Well, got a fun day lined up tomorrow. I get to go into the dentist again to have another composite done, and at my last appointment the tech made it sound like it was going to be an actual filling. Much fun, yea verily.

On the other hand, I may be feeling too uncomfortable from the dentist visit to put up with tomorrow afternoon, which was when Mom oh so politely volunteered me (and the Brother by proxy) to watch my little cousin for her dad, my older cousin.

I love Chase, but...the girl has got a strange imagination for a five year-old. She doesn't play princesses or house with her Barbies, no; her Barbies are always getting kidnapped by witches who put spells on them (or on her) or lock them up or drop them into lava (that never kills them). And it's always got to be played her way, right down to her feeding me lines.

Mom says it's supposed to be nice out tomorrow so she can play with her sidewalk chalk, or she can play with the new Play-Doh she got her. But I just know that Chase is going to go for those Barbies at some point.

So, yeah, I'm actually hoping that my dentist appointment gets me feeling cruddy enough just so I can get out of playing with Chase. At least then I'll have a decent excuse to pawn her off on my brother.

By the taxi out front with two elephants in the backseat.

...

Went out to dinner with my parents, my grandfather and my younger brother this evening. For some reason my little brother decided it would be a good idea to tell almost every elephant joke he knew.

...

How can you tell if the light inside of your refrigerator turns off when you close the door?

Ask the elephant.

Met with my boss about my evaluation today. Fortunately I did better than I thought I would, so I was nervous about nothing for the past week or so.

Still haven't gotten my hands on HBP; I was hoping when I went into work this morning that someone would have returned a copy. At least I'm at the top of the holds queue, so the next copy that is returned is mine (now watch, with my luck a copy would have come back after I left).

Of course, acquired a copy or not, the release of the new Harry Potter book has my muses sniffing in the direction of that fandom again. I'm currently torn between two ideas - my Harry's Twin AU, or a new idea that centers around the adventures of the child of Lupin and Tonks.

As of now, it is four days until Mom, Dad and my brother leave for Middle Tennessee to visit a college down there that my brother is interested in. Since they're driving instead of flying, it means that I will have the entire house to myself from Wednesday until Friday. Except for having to work 9 to noon on Thursday, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. *glee!*